We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
