I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
