i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
