ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
