They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
