drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
