I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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