babies were throwing up all over the place
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
