The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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