i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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