Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
