I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Randomize
