have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
