I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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