Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
