1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
me + whiskey = a bad person
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
