Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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