Barsexuality is the new black.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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