I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
