Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
