I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
