Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
