I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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