My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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