So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
