I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You are a genius and a whore.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
