the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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