I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
