I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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