I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
