youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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