the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
