Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
