While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He? As in you personified your dick?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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