I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
