the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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