I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
