paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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