If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
