it's too hot outside to masturbate.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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