I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
