I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
