We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You need a sexual gate keeper
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
