stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
