Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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