did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
