Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
