there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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