I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
