i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize