We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
