she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
God I need to hump something, right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
