stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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