he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
