i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
