So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
