What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
