Are we in a gay sports bar?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
