I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
