I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
