Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
