A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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