Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
