where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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