you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Small penises have feelings too.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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