Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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