i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
