How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize