yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
