I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
