she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Randomize