Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
