brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
