wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
