Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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