I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
