well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize