okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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