You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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