I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
