I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
