what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
