Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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