Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
