wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
