Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
