Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
