She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
