she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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