I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
