i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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