We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
