My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
