I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
